today i realised that all along, i tend to live in the past.
when i was in singapore, i was hurting, i was angry, and constantly wondering why am i here? i constantly thinking about what i left behind and how wonderful would it be if i could go back home.
and again, for the first month here, i felt the same way.i constantly thinking how stupid was i to not push myself hard enough to just damn study and go trough the A level with them.In singapore i had my comfort zone. my friends that knows me so well.i knew i could choose not say a word with them if i didn't feel like talking, and still feel comfortable. i could say anything that passed through my brain no matter how stupid it was or be ridiculous all i want and i know they'll still love me. i like making new friends,i really do.but the akwardness,the "oh-i-need-to-talk-about-something-interesting" feeling,and the silent akwardness is just killing me and i want my friends back.
just few days ago,i realised that i need to stop this or i'll never be happy.i need to push my past behind. focus on what i have around me. stop hurting.stop judging. stop blaming. stop asking why?
and i realised that things are better this way, everything is moving on nicely,not perfect but nice enough. i started to appreciate those stood by and i do have good friends around me. friends that i love and friends that i know i'll love. all i need to do is just start appreciating.
i have FAITH. faith that everything will just fall into places- to the right places. and suddenly i feel that i remember how it is like to be happy again
when i was in singapore, i was hurting, i was angry, and constantly wondering why am i here? i constantly thinking about what i left behind and how wonderful would it be if i could go back home.
and again, for the first month here, i felt the same way.i constantly thinking how stupid was i to not push myself hard enough to just damn study and go trough the A level with them.In singapore i had my comfort zone. my friends that knows me so well.i knew i could choose not say a word with them if i didn't feel like talking, and still feel comfortable. i could say anything that passed through my brain no matter how stupid it was or be ridiculous all i want and i know they'll still love me. i like making new friends,i really do.but the akwardness,the "oh-i-need-to-talk-about-something-interesting" feeling,and the silent akwardness is just killing me and i want my friends back.
just few days ago,i realised that i need to stop this or i'll never be happy.i need to push my past behind. focus on what i have around me. stop hurting.stop judging. stop blaming. stop asking why?
and i realised that things are better this way, everything is moving on nicely,not perfect but nice enough. i started to appreciate those stood by and i do have good friends around me. friends that i love and friends that i know i'll love. all i need to do is just start appreciating.
i have FAITH. faith that everything will just fall into places- to the right places. and suddenly i feel that i remember how it is like to be happy again
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